Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Misunderestimating* My Father

My dad and I have a really good relationship. It's taken some getting used to for my fiance. He still thinks it's weird when I say what my dad thinks about my friend's marital problems or the crazy thing my cousin said. What can I say? I talk to my dad about everything. He's one of my best friends.
So it's no surprise that I was talking to Dad about my future wedding before I was even engaged. Dad knew to expect a call from Fiance to "ask for his blessing" (which we all agree is a little silly since Dad loves my Fiance and tells me all the time how happy he is for us, but I also knew Dad would love to be "let in on the secret" before I knew and it would be a good bonding experience for them). The problem was that during one of these "in the future my wedding will be" talks, my dad started talking about how his friend would play keyboards with my cousins at the wedding. I was like "Um. Why is your friend at my wedding to begin with?" and his response? "Of course he'll be at your wedding! He's my friend!"
Ok look… my dad's a cool guy. He's got a lot of friends. This friend in particular? I'm not sure I'd ever even heard his name before. And Fiance and I financing this shindig on our own. And let me tell you- ain't no room for randoms.
So I was worried. My dad was all excited about our engagement and posted this really sweet status update on Facebook about it. I started to really stress out that he would "verbally invite" people and later be in the uncomfortable position of explaining that since he can't afford to contribute to his daughter's wedding, she won't let him invite people (or whatever people will think). This was made doubly worse by the fact that we are both very close to people at church, but not the same people.
I was in choir with the same 3 families for a decade. We spent 4 hours a day, two days a week together. We celebrated every holiday together. We went on vacation together. Our choir was TIGHT and I still am very close, especially with the mothers since my mom passed away. And you know what? Thanks to my gigantoid family- none of my choirmates are on my "A" list. If magically we find an inexpensive way to increase the guestlist from 200 to 250+, then ok, they're in. But otherwise it's going to break my heart a little, but I can't afford them. So my fear was that Dad would start telling HIS friends (who know my church friends) that they were invited. And like hell I'm having HIS church friends but not mine, you know?
So I called him last night and tried to gently bring up the subject. I said we were looking at venues and it was hard because a lot were 150 capacity and that's not even all MY family… and worked my way to "and on that note… I know people might assume they are invited but…"
He cut me off. "Oh, I know, but they aren't. Don't worry. I am not telling anyone any wedding plans." We clarified that of course his siblings, their kids and their kids are invited (I am actually very close to all those people) and his best friends/my sister's godparents are invited… but so far that's it for him. He totally agreed. It was awesome.
So one less nagging worry! Yay! Now, seriously, if we could just find a freaking venue…..

*Sometimes I miss Good Ol' W. He was great for a laugh. Until, you know, it wasn't funny anymore.

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